We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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