They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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