If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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