I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
