1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
