Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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