Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We have started to decorate penises.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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