I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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