Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh god it's open bar.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
