return my video game
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
