whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
