found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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