just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
