i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
