if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
