Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
