I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We don't watch enough power rangers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
