Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
