come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
