I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
