i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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