Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize