i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
