It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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