I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
