Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
