now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize