OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
