Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
