I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont even know how to be here
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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