New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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