mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
