Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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