So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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