you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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