I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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