I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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