I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
