I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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