You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are two peas in an std pod
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
