I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
