I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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