That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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