R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
