I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
