watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We're using joints as your birthday candles
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize