I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
