by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
