I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
