Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize