So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
