kristin has been a bad kristin
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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