Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
