In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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