so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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