Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
