your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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