just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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