I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
