you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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