She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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