The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
