I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
