the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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