I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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