awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
