we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
