my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
