On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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