i permit you to call me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
