Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
