I met the friendliest cop last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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