I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
