Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
