I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
