he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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