Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
