i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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