Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
