people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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