Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
