im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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