so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
