Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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