I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
