remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
