She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
