normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Floor bacon is actually really good
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
