Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
