She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
