You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
