Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's like iHOP with fire
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
