my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have to summon your inner elephant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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