my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
