I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize