i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
