i just sent this text using only my big toe
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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