every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
